Sins of the Father
by kes2
Summary: I'm sick and tired of being laughed at a story of the Barclay family.


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Sins of the Father.

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By Kes.

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Disclaimer: No money made, but time wasted….

I walk into the room, looking nervously around. Smiling slightly yet avoiding every eye, wishing I was invisible. Slowly, I make my way to the front desk to report in.

"Name!" The Lieutenant Commander barks at me. I don't know why he's asking, he's known me since I was at least four.

"Eloise Barclay, Sir." I reply with formality. I catch his wink and smile slightly in reply.

"Here you are Cadet." He says, handing me a PADD and a card. "The PADD contains a list of your assigned courses and timetable. The key is for your room, which is also noted in the PADD."

I nod my thanks and go and 'mingle'

I spend the next half an hour in the corner with a drink in my hand, I never was any good at 'mingling'.

Looking around I see Bajorans and Vulcans and Bolians and Humans - of course - all chatting away like there's no tomorrow and yet here I am as if I'm from another quadrant. Maybe I am.

After a while some Admiral or another comes into the room - I don't know this one - and I walk back to the crowd, ignoring the glances my way. We all settle into chairs, automatically taking out the PADD we were given, looking for what he'll talk about.

More than ten minutes later I'm as clueless about his subject as I was when he started, and from the looks on the faces of the others, I can tell that for once I'm not alone.

Once in my new room, I unpack all my belongings and look on my computer in my room. This is supposedly for strictly business, assignments and the like, but I know better. No one but geeks uses it for _just_ work. Almost every Cadet tries at least once to hack into the Academy files. Ironically, it's the ones who wont do it who are probably the most capable.

It's now our first lesson of defensive training. After this I'll have a medical lecture - something to look forward to, supposing I survive. Today we meet out teacher, a Commander Jacobs. He's teaching us some methods based upon Klingon teachings.

"I need a volunteer…" He says, scanning for the crowd, looking for the weakest specimen. Sadist.

"I want you Cadet…Barclay" He looks at my name badge. I can hear the sniggers from behind me as I grudgingly move forwards, more petrified of this moment than anything I can recall.

"Do you have any previous training?" He asks, a smile in his voice.

I want to shout Does it look like it? in his face, but decide against it. "N-no, Sir." Damn stutter. Got that from my dad.

He proceeds with explaining various moves to the class, I listen but I feel as though I've been drugged, that this isn't really happening. Suffice it to say, I left there with many bruised and an even more bruised ego, as well as tear stains. They'll be the ones that people will see.

After the first week, I go home to see dad. Mom left years ago, before I can remember, and apparently my dad's now worse than ever.

Over dinner my dad finally gets the guts to ask how it was going.

"Alright."

"Come on now, tell me the details. W-what friends have you made? Who are your Professors?"

I give him a list of my lecturers.

"And the friends?"

Silence.

"Come on…"

"I don't have any…"

"Now really, that's not true."

I stare at him, making him uncomfortable. "Did _you_ have any friends?"

He looks shocked that I'd ask him this. "I was focused on my work."

"…that's a no then" I mutter "Like father like daughter."

"Now that's not fair!"

"ISn't it? Most people hear my surname and start laughing. They think I can't see but I can. You're a laughing stock and so am I. It's sick. You know why? Mostly it's because of mum and of course you're Lieutenant Commander Barclay. Still."

"I'm perfectly happy where I am." He says, these answers perfected through years of counselling.

We've stopped eating now, and I've stood, silent tears running down my cheeks. "I hate it. I can't go back to the Academy. They just _hear_ the name Barclay and they're judging me. All those things about mom and you didn't tell me until two years ago! Meanwhile _Earth_ is laughing at us! God, even the lecturers are laughing, what the hell is that about?

I can't do anything, my fear paralyses me. I can't go to a holodeck without knowing smirks, I can't go near a counsellors office. I can't do anything because I can't talk to people without sounding like a faulty recording."

As I'm saying all this, my dad stays silent. He looks petrified although not surprised, as though expecting this to occur at some point. Yet he says nothing. This infuriates further. I wait for him to suggest going to see Deanna.

Silence still.

I move away from the table, deciding that this line is futile, and annoyed with myself and with him that we can't argue like normal people. He can't express his emotions to me as I don't have a degree. I'm crying now, and so is he. That's faintly embarrassing but I ignore it.

I don't know how much more of this I can take, but he wont answer me now and I just keep thinking about the haunting laughter and the pranks and the blatant smirks and I get so angry.

"I am _sick and tired_ of the grins and the smirks and the pranks pulled on me. I sat in my room doing my work all week, I wasn't invited anywhere."

Silence still.

"They laugh because I'm stuttering, they laugh because I have no friends, they laugh because I'm pathetic, and they laugh because I'm like you…"


End file.
